Skip to content
Advertisements

Christmas Jokes | Blogmas # 3 ❄

Ho-Ho-Ho!

December is the holly jolly month filled with happiness and laughter. So today we have decided to share with you some of the Christmas related jokes and puns we have stumbled across.

❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
“It’s Christmas, Eve!”
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap.
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Comic by Scott Nickel

❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Husband: “What do you want for Christmas?” 
Wife: “A divorce!”
Husband: “Can you think of anything cheaper?” 
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Sister: “What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?
Brother: “A list of everything I want!”
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Comic by Scott Nickel

❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Daughter: “Mommy, I want a beautiful pony with a bow for Christmas.”
Mother: “OK then on Christmas Eve we will go to the hairdresser.”
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Julie: “What’s the difference between Santa’s reindeer and a knight?”
Robert: “What?”
Julie: “One slays the dragon, and the other’s draggin’ the sleigh.”
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

What do you call an elf that can sing and dance? 
Elfis.
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Comic by Scott Nickel

❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual:
“And what would you like for Christmas?” 
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped:
“Didn’t you get my E-mail? 
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

What do you call a greedy elf?
Elfish.
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

A mafioso’s son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, “Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new…” He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.
He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, “Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new…” He again looks at it and throws it away.
He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother’s room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, “Dear baby Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…” 
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Comic by Scott Nickel


❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
They’re into all the wrapping.
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

It is late December and the correctional court judge is in a good mood. 
He asks the defendant: “What are you accused of?”
The defendant replies: “I am accused of having done my Christmas shopping too early!” 
The judges says: “But that’s not a crime.” 
“Well, it was before the store opened…” 
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Mason says to his mother: “You can delete the train set from my Christmas wish list.”
Mother: “Why is that?”
Mason: “Yesterday, I found one in the closet.” 
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Comic by Scott Nickel

❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Eggnog, when getting fat from eating food just isn’t enough. 
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Two brothers are talking about what they received for Christmas. “Haha, I got twice as many presents as you, I know who Mum and Dad love most!” says the younger brother. To which the older brother replied “And I know who has cancer …”
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

One day, Santa saw a young deer with a glowing nose of red…he smiled at him and waved to young creature.
The deer dropped his bottle of gin and exclaimed “Oh Sh!t…it’s Santa!” And ran away.
Santa rubbed his beard and shook his head. “I think I’ll call that one Rude-off.” 
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Comic by Scott Nickel

❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Father: “My son, who brings the presents for Christmas?”
Son: “Amazon!” 
Father: “No, I mean the fat man with the beard.” 
Son: “Edward, the postman?”
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Father: “Son there is something I need to tell you: Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, that’s always been me.”
“I already know, dad,” the son reassures him. “Only the stork, that was Uncle Fred.” 
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

What is your favorite Christmas anecdote? Share your funniest stories with us in the comments below.

Hope you have enjoyed the post as much as we did and see you guys tomorrow! ❤

Joy. Happiness. Love.

Transparent_Christmas_Pine_Garland_with_Gold_Bells_Clipart.png
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: